Remaining in the Court of the Prison
As I was reading Phylicia Delta blog last night, I wondered if she had indeed penned the words or if I had. "I am focusing my energy on being 'filled' before trying to 'fill' anyone else. It has been a difficult week and my heart has been very burdened."
If I had written this, the difficult week would've been a difficult six months. That's how I knew they were her words and not mine.
So, I write this more to be filled rather than to fill.
Malachi 3:10-11 says,
"'Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and try Me now in this,' says the LORD of Hosts, 'If I will not open for you the windows of Heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, so that he will not destroy the fruit of your ground, nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for you in the field.' Says the LORD of hosts."
For months, I feel as if I have been bringing my tithes, sacrificing my deepest desires, laying them at the King's feet, and walking away in obedience. And in return, there has been silence.
I cry out to God saying, "When?! When will You flood me with blessing like You promised!? Have You not seen what I have laid at Your feet!? Will You notice me??"
For awhile I've struggled to believe in God's gracious character. I've struggled to believe He wants to intervene in my life out of His abundant love.
I was feeling especially confused and hopeless last night and found myself reading through Jeremiah.
There are a couple of the books in the Bible that the Lord continutally uses to get my attention. Jeremiah is one of them.
I read and searched for what comfort I might find.
Jeremiah 37-39.
The deal is, Jeremiah has been locked in the court of the prison. He stays there...for a long time.
But, during his stay, he is continually summoned by King Zedekiah to have a chat, then is returned to the court of the prison.
If I was Jeremiah, everytime the king summoned me, I would be thinking that my time was over. I would be free within moments. The king is releasing me. Deliverance has come.
But, the phrase, "so Jeremiah remained in the court of the prison," is repeated three times within this passage.
He was denied his hope of freedom three times.
The first time he was summoned then sent back, he wasn't just sent back to the court of the prison, but lowered into mire. Literally. "And in the dungeon there was no water, but mire. So Jeremiah sank in the mire." (38:6b)
His circumstances went even further downhill. Not only was he denied his hope, he was sent back into his trouble worse than he left it.
What screeching prayers, what pitiful silence, and what lonely anguish must that mire have witnessed. A hope so close to being fulfilled went unfulfilled.
Then, another ray of hope, Zedekiah sends his men to lower ropes and pull Jeremiah out. They do so, but leave him in the court of the prison.
Hope kindled then put out once again.
What doubts, what anger, and what sorrow must that court have witnessed.
The last time "remained in the court of the prison" is mentioned: "Now Jeremiah remained in the court of the prison until the day that Jerusalem was taken. And he was there when Jersusalem was taken." (38:28)
What utter devastation Jeremiah's heart must have shared with those courts.
As I read over Jeremiah's imprisonment, the theme of his unfulfilled hope parallels my own hope life.
I feel you Jeremiah.
I know what it's like when you think your prayers of deliverance are finally answered, then you sink into the mire.
When you're thrown a lifeline but remain in the court of the prison. Filthy from the mire and alone with your stench.
When you're looking out your barred window and watch the very thing you loved and hoped for crumble while you remain helpless in the court of the prison.
Jeremiah and I have hoped, we've prayed, we've waited, we've surrendered, we've cried, and we've remained.
Unfulfilled hopes have broken my faith. I've remained in the battering cycle of daring to hope and feeling the shame and utter loss when I sink lower when deliverance didn't come even though it looked like it would.
Jeremiah and I are clutching each other's hands and choking on tears until he says,
"I know how this ends for you. I know this ends in love for you because I know that a powerful, loving God watches over you like He did me."
I stop feeling him because my belief is too tired.
But, Jeremiah tells me what the Lord once told him. Jer. 39:17-18, "'But I will deliver you in that day,' says the LORD, 'and you shall not be given into the hand of the men you are afraid of. For I will surely deliver you, and you shall not fall by the sword; but your life shall be as a prize to you, because you have put your trust in Me,' says the LORD."
I stop clutching Jeremiah and start reaching for God again.
I dare to hope, I dare to trust, I dare to keep surrendering to a God who promises to overwhelm the trusting, obedient, and worshipful heart with blessings, and, maybe even a hope fulfilled.