What It's Like to Fall in Love...Everyday

If the past three months have taught me anything, it's been that the real adventure of life is learning to fall in love everyday.

I think I've written several posts about love. I'd argue that they all are about love in fact.

And because love just keeps getting bigger to me I'm going to keep writing about it.

My biggest insecurity is that any love I experience now from people won't last.

I'm not sure what started this so we will say sin did.

I've gotten very good at moving through life as if I'm in constant preparation for abandonment.

"Don't even think about the praise you'll get after speaking. You don't need it. Do your job."

"Don't let reward for your work tempt you, it's probably not for you anyway. You don't need it. Do your job."

"Don't hope that she will notice how out of your way you went for her. You don't need that thanks. Do your job."

"Don't dream about an awesome marriage. You don't need it. Do your job." "Don't hope that she will remember you're upset and so ask you to come over. You don't need it. Do your job." "Don't hope that he will text you that he loves you just because he can. You don't need it. Do your job." "I don't need it. I can do my job without it."

Without praise, without reward, without thanks, without being noticed, without encouragement, without love.

My biggest insecurity is that any love that I experience now from people won't last because they realize I'm needy.

Because they see my weak spot:

I can't do this life without love.

I don't know how many of us live like our life's mission is something other than giving and receiving love but I sure do. More often than I'm proud of.

What's my job anyway that I need to do without love? That I'm called to do without love? That I can do without love?

I couldn't tell you because something like that doesn't exist.

But I can tell you that I've only been living out half of my mission. I've only ever given love and have failed to receive it.

"That's not in my job description. I'm alive to give God glory and no one needs to congratulate me for it. I'm just doing my job."

And yet, I find that my deepest fear is that I will never have lasting love.

Why?

This fear speaks to the core of every human's being. It's there because it's an innate, good craving.

If we were not meant to receive and feel love constantly we would not want it so desperately.

Throughout my Christian education learning about God, I've come away with the picture of God who is intimate and personal with me...but only when He wants to be. And that He doesn't always offer Himself so intimately to me.

My heart has been left believing that sometimes God doesn't want to be near me even if I want Him near me.

I've been left believing that faith is enough to sustain my being in this world because love isn't always available.

Isn't this the exact opposite of The Gospel?

Isn't this exactly what the Devil would like me to believe?

These are the poisonous beliefs of religion.

The truth is faith upholds my belief, but love makes me brave and gives me reason to have faith in the first place.

And I'm very tired of any doctrine that tells me otherwise and that I can be close to God but not too close.

"God is holy. Entirely different from us. Therefore He cannot be fully known." In other words, keep your distance.

"God is our Father, but He is also our King. Kings require reverence and sacrifice."

In other words, keep your distance. There is an unemotional element to this God. Deal with it."

"God is gracious but also intolerant of all sin. Repentence needs to be daily."

In other words, get it together.

Everything in the quotes is absolutely true about our Lord.

But if these truths are presented in such a way that keeps our hearts far from Him, if we allow ourselves to view Him as lofty and only sometimes loving, our lives are empty because faith alone is not meant to sustain.

What is the point of having faith in anything but love?

"Our God is holy. Entirely different from us. Therefore He cannot be fully known"

In other words, how amazing it is that He reaches down to us daily and revels in revealing Himself to us.

"God is our Father, but He is also our King. Kings require reverence and sacrifice."

In other words, how compassionate is He to waive a harsh bondage and to embrace us as children and heirs.

"God is gracious but also intolerant of all sin. Repentence needs to be daily."

In other words, how beautiful it is that Jesus made a way for us to be sinless before Him.

Do we see the difference?

God is love. And His love is not only the kind of love that reprimands and "keeps us in line."

His love is romantic.

Scandalous

Untamable

Lavish

Uncontrolled

Hosea and Zephaniah gives us beautiful pictures of His love

Hosea 2:14, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her."

Let's just say what this is folks: just like full fledged lovers--the kind that seem like they've fallen off the face of the earth because they only have eyes for each other--God wants His alone time with us.

To take you me us to a place that only the two of us know to hear what God prefers to whisper in private.

What does this mean?

Not only is His love everlasting, His love is romantic and exciting every moment--every day--if we choose to see it.

Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

I don't think I'm taking this too far when I say that we make Mighty Warrior God weak in the knees. To the point where He puts down His sword and shield, He discontinues the rebuke, and let's Himself be overwhelmed and overcome with delight and singing.

There's a reason why lovers write songs to each other and attach certain music to their relationship, God started it.

As I'm experiencing more of God's everlasting and present love, I'm becoming exceedingly more brave to fall in love with Him everyday.

To look at the colors of fall and see God's extravagent bouquet.

To laugh freely at the chipmunks and myself.

To experience God's unique words and plans for me in the quiet of my room or the serenity of the chapel.

My weak spot and my neediness are fulfilled moment by moment and are no longer causes for shame, but causes for celebration as a tender God cares for the deepest parts of me.

Falling in love everyday is letting it matter that God also falls in love with me everyday.

Falling in love everyday is believing that love, not faith, sustains your being.

Falling in love everyday is seeking, finding, and celebrating God's every bold advance towards my heart and letting myself need that.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big deal.

And pretty awesome.

Thank you God that You are a God who undoes lies and ushers in Truth.

Thank you God that You are a God who wants a love affair more than a discipline.

Thank you God that You are a God who continues to grow in majesty before our eyes.

Thank you God that You came to be known through Your Son but You never stopped revealing Yourself there.

Thank you for neediness and the eyes to see that fulfillment.