Shutting Up Shame: Because I've had Three Boyfriends

Poetry is a budding love of mine and I thought the best medium for this area of shame for me. Ya I know, three isn't that much (compared to...what?), but it's a falling short of what I thought my life would be...so I feel shame.

This poem is to myself, my God, and my future. Working through this shame requires that I look my embarrassing fears in the face and dissolve their power over me by declaring the truth of my world thus far: I love, I lose, I fight to love again because love is a gift I hope I don't miss out on.

Tip: if you're not accustomed to reading poetry, just pay attention to the line breaks in this one. You'll get the most out of it.

I hope it resonates and makes you feel a little more welcome in the world.

Fight

Can you see me?

The virgin whore walks behind the the virgin dreamers

and fears she has shallow skin

from her many lovers long caresses.

She is pure but assuming

eyes make her unlovely.

Answer if her heart feels

less soft because she has known

love for many days

after you have known it.

Do you see through my gown

more quickly because other eyes have

worn and weathered it with passion?

Too many memories for one pair of legs

stands hopeful and bare

barely allowed to make a memory

to be held in hands conjoined.

Do you see me as hard

to get for fear that I'm

uneasily impressed?

Her fear is not her past

lovers give her hope.

Her fear is your choice to never

allow second chances to one who fights

for herself

to be soft gentle pure kind joyful lovely brave.

Do you see me and how much I fight for you?

Or am I now the residue

of dismissed and tangled dreams.

This I feel but this I do

you see me and how much I fight for you?