Shutting Up Shame: When You Pray for Healing and It Actually Happens

I had a thought today, and I don't know if it really matters, but I'll share it.

So much "Christian-writing" I've read is either from the sufferer's perspective reaching up to God or from the unafflicted's perspective preparing for the next hardship.

I thought, "We give suffering such a loud voice."

I checked out some of my own past blogs and...ya I definitely do too.

And I check out my own life and the next guy's life and suffering has a loud voice there too. So I suppose there's an appropriateness to these writings...

I really do love the way that God's people handle suffering.

We aren't satisfied with it ending in a complaint, or a gossip, or a reaffirmation that life will never get better for us...

I love how we always reach for God and strive to see His mercies amidst the suffering.

That's how it should be...

James 1:1, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

Hosea 6:1, “Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds."

And 1,000 more verses about crying out to God and Him being gracious...

I just wish I heard more stories of that beautiful, total healing instead of the regular struggling.

So here's my story of a time when God totally healed and freed me.

____________________________

Wednesday night I was looking through some old notes I had made on my phone.

They were mostly prayers with some feeble attempts at lyrics and random info about websites or books I should check out.

I read one of the prayers and just about threw my phone out the window.

The note was dated a year ago, off by one month from this past week. I had prayed that God would remove the pain from a difficult relationship...and moments before I looked at my phone I had prayed the exact same prayer.

It's a special kind of pain and shock when you realize after so much time you've not healed at all. (Or at least feel like you haven't healed at all.)

I never thought I would be that person who would live with a lifelong hurt from another human being.

There's where the shame came in. My resilience, my hope, my fervent prayers, my belief, my trust seemed to totally fall short because I still sat hurt and trapped.

What a sensitive but powerful moment.

I had a choice. One of two prayers:

The one I'd been praying for a year plus some:

"God, it's time for me to move on. I can't live with this pain anymore. It's crippling my joy in so many other relationships...I want to see Your healing hand here for I know You have goodness for me..."

Or a new one:

"I give up. If You want me to live with this, fine. I love You more than a painless life."

Call it God's grace or my exhaustion, I surrendered.

And what I'm sure was God's grace was that I was seeing this person the next day.

"God, however you want this to go, I'm ok with it."

My friend and I didn't even talk about what had happened between us, I hadn't planned to anyway.

The normalcy and peace I felt in this once difficult company was overwhelming. Totally exhillerating in fact!

And I drove home feeling more free and blessed than I ever would have had I just "believed" and "forgiven" my way out of the pain.

But it's never really about escaping the pain is it?

It's always been about finding God more and more irresistible no matter what your life looks like.

Whether it's debris or ivory towers.

All this time I never needed to declare and believe that God is Healer. I already knew that and spread myself nightly at His throne begging for His peace.

All this time He just wanted to hear me say I still loved Him, I still would follow Him, I still would trust Him, I still would share His name even in debris.

And because He's healer...He freed me once He knew I wanted Him more.

There's no formula to God folks. (Yes, it does sound like I was born yesterday...)

He continually reminds me of His mystery to draw me near.

He sends pulses through my day so I won't forget how infinitie, powerful, and sovereign He is...and that He loves me.

This kind of God loves me.

What does it matter if I walk through debris?

Isaiah 43:1b-3a,

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."