Shutting Up Shame: What it Feels like to Put Demons in Their Place
A true story.
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As I sat on the floor of the church she came to me and asked if everyone there could pray for me.
My friend and I were attending a prayer meeting and even before we walked into the building she had prayed over me for 10 minutes plus in the car. And here she was ready to go again.
There were only 6 of us, and none of them knew my story. They didn't ask me for it they just started praying.
No one said anything too moving until one of the men there began to remind me that God delighted in me and sang over me...and this man literally started singing over me.
"Beloved, daughter, precious, I love you..."
Supposedly all I needed was this lullaby to break me because the tears started flowing.
Taylor is usually very confident of her worth folks. Dangerously so.
But, lately, others and myself have defined me as
Anxious
Hopeless
Restless
Fearful
Confusing
Sad
Unlovely.
By special revelation this man continued to see straight through to my quaking heart and tell me the truth about how God saw me and what I've been experiencing.
"God loves that your prayer is for intimacy with Him."
"God loves when you sing to Him. He loves your voice."
"God loves you even when you're mad at Him."
"God's given you the mind of Christ and you make wise decisions with it: you run to Him in difficulty."
"God's purposed you to impact the next generation."
"God's made you a woman of the Holy Spirit and loves that you embrace that."
"God loves that you'd head out to the nations tomorrow to bring the good news and to heal the brokenhearted in His name."
"God loves that He's made you with so many capabilities and dreams."
"He sees how hemmed in you've felt, absolutely wanting to burst with all the dreams you nurture, and how isolated and directionless you've been with them."
The man's exact words were, "He knows you're afraid of the vastness of His power you find yourself in."
This man specifically bound the spirits of fear, anxiety, and loneliness that have ravaged my heart, life, and relationships for months. And I tearfully asked for God's forgiveness a new heart aloud.
Remember, this man just learned my name that night.
Maybe just trust me when I say my prayers have centered around all of these themes for a good long time. It was so nice to be reminded that He hears them.
What a thing it is to one night fall asleep to the prayer, "God, make me lovely again for I am unlovely" and the next night, "God my heart is full and satisfied with You."
Just so there's no confusion here as may have been brought on by the title, there was no demon possession or exorcism going on here.
Just Taylor accepting the lies that Satan lobes at me everyday and the Holy Spirit chasing them far from my heart and ushering in truth.
As I went to throw away my pile of tissues and remembered the feeling of moveing and walking with a steady heart, another guy began to tell his story.
His actually did involve evil and demonic encounters (again, not possession, just severe oppression).
I know. What kind of prayer meeting is this where people are reading each other's hearts and spiritual warfare is almost palpable?
An awesome one.
As this guy finished his story, I began to weep because I have a deep compassion for his kinds of struggles. Mainly disbelief, depression, and fear.
And probably because I had just been released from so much of that.
What I didn't expect was for the man who had just prayed for me to say, "Now we are going to have Taylor who is really strong with God bind these evil spirits and then Kelly will invite the Holy Spirit on you."
So this man sees into my wet, shivering puppy of a heart one minute and asks me to bind Satan's lies for this guy the next because He thinks I'm strong with God now?"
By God's grace I was so pumped. I hated what I had been under and I hated it wrecking this guy too.
Reminded of who God was and of the power of prayer, I prayed and so did the rest of us for the guy's release and peace.
Very awesome.
We read Scripture over him, he called out to God, and he declared that he was laughing in the devil's face if he felt a lie rear its head.
Awesome.
I do believe I walked away from that place a new person. Or at least myself again. The lovely one that God made me to be and delights in.
Restlessness is not in my name.
Nor fear.
Nor anxiety.
Nor unbelief.
Full of life, full of passion, that's how He made me, I'll let it happen.
Isaiah 43:1b-2
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze." 43:19
"See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland."