To the Girl who Feels Pretty and Nervous Because She Feels Pretty

Has it ever happened that tears come to you without consent?

You have to stop for a moment and see if you're sad, joyful, or tired because you didn't expect this kind of reaction.

And if you weren't born with tear ducts, I hope you get to experience the wind getting knocked out of you because of beauty.

I saw Crossroads' Awaited--a theatrical retelling of the Christmas story--twice this year.

It's a fantastical collage of heavenly singers, nible dancers, and wildly devoted muscians that have a passion for sharing God's epicness with the world.

When I watched it the first time I saw a celebration of life.

The colors and dances were overpowering. It heightened God's majesty in my mind.

The dances were most moving for me; even over the singing, lighting, and theatrics.

I love it when humans use every part of their being to revel in God's might, compassion, and complete love He has for them.

Besides amazement at their skill and teamwork, something much deeper was rising in me.

This church, these Christians, this God celebrates, delights in, and honors the human body so differently than I've ever seen before.

And I'd say drastically different than we are taught to view bodies.

Bodies are one of my favorite things.

I don't want to give instruction about sex, lust, sexual desire, modesty, makeup, or leggings here.

I want to move the conversation away from the guardrails we institute for human bodies and into delving into the goodness of the body itself. Once we see its wonder over its danger and power, any protections made make a little more sense.

How productive is this kind of talk? "Now ladies and gents, the body is a good gift from God! But let's make sure not to wear leggings, too much makeup, wife-beaters, skinny jeans, v-necks, tube tops, short skirts, flashy jewelry, saggy pants, sheer shirts..."

And we are left with fear. Fear and the questionable questions like: "Should I buy a thong?? It's so racy! But otherwise the guys might see my panty line...are my pants just too tight??"

(Please. Butts are cute. I'm a woman and I'll check out a butt. Panty line or not, saggy pants or not, long shirt, short shirt...don't pretend that baby butts are the only intriguing butts out there...and don't pretend it would all just be easier if boobs and butts didn't exist..but that's how we function sometimes.)

The body is a good gift and if we handle it with fear, we reject it's goodness. If we feel nervous because we are beautiful, something is wrong.

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It would be awesome to read this article on thoughtcatalogue.com. We've all had those feelings, thoughts, and fears. But it's not totally absent in the Christian community. Thank goodness it looks so different...

I carry grief because the presence of a beautiful body will be wished away in Christian company.

My grief is that women want others to see them as beautiful, but I fear that others are embarrassed if they think we are pretty.

I carry a grief because if we wear that dress and feel beautiful, I fear that Christians in the room will be ashamed of themselves for feeling and thinking...

No, our boobs aren't spilling out, no, if we bend over you won't catch a glimpse, no, you can't count our every rib or see the indent of our belly-buttons...

Is riding ourselves of physical beauty worth it? Is it the way to steward beauty to pretend it is not there?

I struggle with this grief because it sounds so arrogant. But as women, we did not choose our innate desire to want to be desired for our beauty. Of course, that is only one piece of us, but it is an important piece.

If Christians claim to celebrate beauty, why is it so easy to think our physical beauty makes us unwanted? Why is the message of "hide beauty hide beauty hide beauty" running frantically in our heads?

Shouldn't it be the opposite?

"How can I steward this beauty well but uninhibited by fear?"

This is what our heart cries but often we have already been labeled temptresses and seductresses before anyone can be pleased with us.

An innocent question twisted and never uttered: "Are you pleased with my beauty?"

People try to honor beauty by not touching it, by not looking at it, by not indulging in it.

But really that distance speaks fear.

I know, flee sexual immorality. Run the other way.

But this command is not given of beauty.

We are not standing on a street corner in a corsette and heels calling for another body.

Things, people, and places are beautiful to allure us. To give us joy.

Are we not attracted by God's divine beauty?

Let's honor beauty by reveling in it, by getting swept up by it. That is why it is there.

I hope to be a walking spot of beauty wherever I go. In soul and in body.

To the girl who has ever felt pretty and nervous, step into your goodness and the gift that you are and what you can bring to this world.