Now That I'm Brave...
When you look at a kid, or even a baby, I think it’s astonishing how much you can tell about what kind of person they will grow up to be.
Exhibit A: me.
I’ve always considered myself to be fearless.
Some examples:
As a kid, I tore up some earth on my grandpa’s quad without a helmet while my brother went and told on me because I could “crack my head open.” (My skull is a helmet yo.)
When I used to ride horses as a fourth grader, sometimes my job was to literally run into the horse pasture and create a stampede. And proceed to direct that stampede towards the barn. Gotta bring the horses ‘round somehow.
Once on a beach vacation, I looked into the ocean and near the sand I saw something that looked like a baby shark. So, I ran out and grabbed it. Don’t worry, after I picked it up I realized it was dead.
This bravery (or naiveté, whatever you want to call it) has graduated a bit now that I’m in college. But I still do things like try a roundoff double backhandspring after being away from gymnastics for 9+ years. (Don’t worry, I succeeded and it rocked.)
It has graduated into not being afraid to introduce myself to strangers.
Not being afraid to present the Gospel to someone so different from me.
Not being afraid of late nights and early mornings.
Not being afraid of going on a date.
Not being afraid of my personality.
Not being afraid of not knowing what I’m doing.
Not being afraid of accidentally making a fool of myself in public.
Not being afraid of speaking to a large audience. (or singing and dancing and acting in front of them)
While I’ll readily tell you that I’m brave, I’ll quickly follow up by saying I’m human.
And being human means that sometimes I get scared and sometimes being human is scary.
Recently, I would not have described myself as a brave person. I’ve felt like I’ve been walking around jittery and shelled up for a couple weeks because I had to make decisions about somethings that I was unsure about.
I was afraid of making a wrong decision, not following God’s leading for me, and (what I was most afraid of) looking at what my heart really wanted.
I would pray and pray that my way would become clear and still I felt muddled.
That is until a wise friend saw through my confused words and said, “I’ll pray and hope that you find the bravery to look at what your heart is telling you.”
While that advice might sound cliche and even “fleshly” and “worldly,” for me it was God telling me to get a grip.
Telling me that He had already put the answers inside of me. Inside of my heart.
I was just too scared to look at them.
Because when we are faced with truth or answers, often that means we have to make a big change in our lives.
I didn’t want to look because I didn’t want to change.
While I was letting my fear control me and becoming frustrated with God for not dropping hints, I was also doing an awesome job of not reading my Bible.
Again, a dear friend looked at me hard in the eye and told me, “How much have you been in The Word through this?”
I almost lied because of how shameful I felt.
“Not at all.” I truthfully replied.
Since I’ve gotten back into The Word, some verses have reminded me that fear has no business being in my heart:
Psalm 93:3-4, “The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their waves. The Lord on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, than the mighty waves of the sea.”
God’s voice and His Spirit’s pulling are always mightier than the confusion. We can sense His order and clarity even when we fear.
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Our fear is temporary and is not the core of who we are. Fear is a terrible master. Love, power, and discretion are what the Lord promises to grow in us and enable us for.
Malachi 3:10, “‘Bring all the food into the storehouse that there may be food in my house. And try Me now in this,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘If I will not open the windows of Heaven and pour out such blessing upon you that there will not be room enough to receive it.’”
If we choose to be brave and carry all of our burdens—no matter how shameful, scary, or confusing they are—to Christ, He only promises goodness.
As author Bob Goff said, “Fear is a punk.”
As my pastor said, “Fearful people make bad decisions.”
And as I’m saying:
Sometimes we need more bravery than wisdom because sometimes the Lord has already given us an answer.
We need the bravery to be wise and the wisdom to be brave.
I’d say half the time when our emotions or decisions confuse us, we are just scared of what they really are. Too scared or too ashamed.
While instead of being scared and ashamed, we need to be honest with ourselves, honest with the Lord, and honest with someone else. In that order.
All this is not to say that the Lord won’t use or communicate with us in our seasons of fear. He uses us in those times and it’s extremely humbling.
Humbling and empowering because we remember the King we represent is not a fearful King.
Humbling and empowering because He knows that we are human and we watch Him choose mercy, love, and grace to give us.
Our acts of bravery will bring us to a change which will bring us to a peace. A peace that comes from knowing we’ve obeyed His voice and that we can only expect goodness. Now that I'm brave I can choose. Now that I'm brave I can love. Now that I'm brave Christ is clearer. Now that I'm brave I have peace. Now that I'm brave I am wise.