When Girl Meets the Sunrise, Sports Vomit, and the Darkest Pride
There’s something exquisite about giving it your all in a sport you’ve never played before and proceeding to vomit.
To tell the truth, I’ve kina always wanted to puke after a sport.
It’s like you really know you went hard ya know?
It was pretty glorious hobbling over to the co-ed park bathroom and just lettin’ it go…oh, and having a random dad and his son walk in on you because the door didn’t lock is also great.
While the students lost in the Cru Staff vs. Student basketball game the other night, and the whole thing was basically ratchet, I now have my very own athletic puking story and am very satisfied.
This past week was themed All For One week. The staff basically made our lives hard with weird rules to force us to grow in community to be prepared for after they leave.
Yes, the staff is leaving next week so Ocean City Summer Mission will be entirely run by us crazy college kids.
I’d say the staff prepared us this week. What with restricting wifi to 4-6, not allowing use of GroupMe or technology in general, taunting us with posters and not allowing us to strike back, not letting us wear black athletic shorts to the game, and only permitting one alarm clock to go off Thursday morning for the girls and one for the guys.
How that last one worked went as such: one girl woke up at 4:30am to her alarm clock and was only allowed to wake up one other girl, who could only wake up one other girl, and so on…no one else woke up with their own alarm.
We all had to wake up for work so we had to start early.
Some of us decided to make the most of it and go see the sunrise at 5:33am. I’d say we beat the staff in that challenge.
Did they get this view and early morning worship? Nah. Thanks for the community building staff.
It truly was awesome to see how everyone came together to communicate the week’s rules and to encourage one another even without technology. Word of mouth is pretty great. So are people’s faces.
I’m not worried about when staff leaves because there are 100 servant leaders on this project who showed their compassionate and driven colors this past week. Yes, sometimes there was tension as people had to hold their tongue, but also sweet success in a plan well executed and enjoyed when everyone cooperated and were kind in the process.
So, what’s my job when staff leaves?
I’ll be on the team of 5 women who organize and plan the women’s conference at the end of the trip.
Our vision isn't set yet. But we have talked about creating an atmosphere of encouragement, inspiration, and celebration.
I did get some idea of my task through another women’s event that happened Thursday. A dance off, pretty lights, sparkly things, fancy dresses, and powerful speakers who delivered God’s truth with the theme of Pursuing Holiness got my mind going for what the team can create for the end of the project.
I’m definitely thinking sentimental slideshow and some island wide scavenger hunt at least.
No matter how much it sounds like it, this week wasn’t all fun and games. Working 30+ hours didn’t leave me much time to process everything I was learning and I felt disconnected from the group and mission.
I’ve also been slowly defining and getting more familiar with my pride and seeing what areas of my life are most affected by it.
I’ve known about myself for a long time that I have a superiority complex. I’ve never struggled with negative self image and basically always walk in the room and do a check to make sure I’m the prettiest, most athletic, most compassionate (lol), and generally the best. Of course I’ll always win in my mind. But what poison this complex has had in my heart…
I didn’t really think my pride and complex revealed itself in my relationships until my dear boy told me he definitely saw it and that it grieved him.
Ouch.
Who else has felt pushed aside, left out, unheard, or discounted by me? I shudder to dwell on that.
The weird thing is, I have never felt a conviction from the Spirit to change this mindset. I’ve never seen it as a problem because it made me feel absolutely secure and untouchable. But have I ever lived in what’s reality? Have I ever lived in my identity in Christ without blowing it out of proportion?
These are the questions and pains that have been running around in my head and heart this week.
But by God’s grace He has supplied me with the game plan through loving mentors…
Verbally praise other’s for their Christlikeness.
Ask for a spirit of thankfulness for Christlikeness in me.
When I notice myself looking at myself in order to compare, look at Christ, which will bring instant humility.
Confess, repent, confess, repent, confess, repent to God and my dear friends…and bask in God’s forgiveness and amazing grace. We will see what kind of fight this will be. But it definitely will be a fight worthwhile.
I fight sin because God commands it.
Because I love God.
Because sin hurts my fellowship with God.
Because sin clouds how other people see Jesus in me.
Because my sin hurts those most dear to me.
But, as always, God is gracious and let me start of this week leading the group in worship with Bethel’s You Make Me Brave. And it was also my birthday.
Friends here that I’ve only known for a month helped Jimmy make the sweetest video ever. Jimmy recorded a lot of the people I’ve gotten close to here praising me and encouraging me and I loved loved loved it.
And everyone. And everything. And Jesus. Amen.